So I've decided to start a wee adventure to explore the origins of my surname, Atack, and perhaps do some kind of genealogy tomfoolery.

I think I was a little inspired by the latest Star Wars book I read, in which Han Solo finally decides to seriously look into the history of the Millennium Falcon. The guy has the ship for 45 years before he bothers to see who owned it before Lando? I guess he HAS been a little busy with all those galaxy-altering shenanigans that seem to crop up, but really. Let's get with the program.

Anyways, I figured that since I've lived for almost 25 years without really bothering to look into it, I'm going the same way as our fictional princess-marrying hero. I don't have all the details. When asked, I generally say something along the lines of "It's actually English, just a little obscure".

Actually, I do know one thing, which I've recently bothered to confirm. Many years ago, we went to Medieval Times. No, I don't have a Delorean. It's a show here in Toronto where these dudes ride horses and pretend to kill each other in the ways of olde.

We splurged on a printout detailing the history of our deliciously odd and often mispronounced surname, and it indicated to us that it was originally meant to label some English guy as living near an oak tree. That would make it a toponymic surname, one derived from features of the landscape in the area. Neat.

Today on a wild and crazy impulse (and also as an excuse to test out my new winter coat against temperatures like today's whatever-below-celsius) I ventured to the reference library and sought out some books on English surnames. The first five or so yielded no results, but the sixth! Oh, the sixth had a listing for Atack. It said only this: "variation of Attack".

Rolling my eyes, I went down the page to the entry for Attack, and found what I was looking for, along with several varations. Attack, Attoc, Attock, and Atack, all variations of a name meaning "dweller by the oak". It even listed the first known record of the name, one Geoffrey atte Ock, which is some serious Old or Middle English style awesomeness.

There was a date there too, for good old Geoffrey that is. The year of 1296. That's 713 years ago. Seven hundred and thirteen if you were to spell it out in letters forming words. Talk about keepin' on keepin' on.

Tracing my lineage all the way back that far will likely be very difficult, bordering on insanely impossible, but it's something to do at least. It would be pretty badass to even locate where this supposed oak tree was exactly. Then of course I'd have to trace the oak tree's lineage, which is a whole other ball of worms. Or something.

I'll keep ya posted.

Labels: live, muse

The TTC is the public transportation system in Toronto. It consists of subways, streetcars, and buses. There is a fascinating and annoying variety of people who use the system, which I've organized into the following types, with handy solutions on getting around them. Let's find out, together!

TYPE A: NORMIES

Those who exhibit what can be called "normal behaviour" in transit riders. That is, those who keep their yaps shut while reading or listening to music and make neither visual nor physical contact with anyone else. They limit themselves to one seat, put their bags on their lap or the ground in front of them, and only go to the exit when they plan to leave the vehicle.

Suggested non-violent solution:
None.

Suggested violent solution:
None.

TYPE B: IDIOTS

Idiots play their music out loud on their personal devices, which are completely devoid of bass and suffer from an abundance of treble. They put their bags on the seats next to them, or stretch out over the seats next to them, or otherwise conduct themselves in a manner that blocks seats around them, rendering them unavailable to others. Idiots sometimes travel in packs, and are capable of annoying people all the way down at the other end of the vehicle with their antics. Alcohol is sometimes a factor in the severity of their idiocy.
Suggested non-violent solution:
Increase distance, increase volume on mp3 player.

Suggested violent solution:
Blows to the head and upper body, vulgarity.

TYPE C: MORONS

Morons are dangerous in their ignorance of the world. They rush into the vehicle while everyone else is trying to get off (a major faux pas indeed, one that will likely get you yelled at by other riders). Once aboard, they like to cluster around the exits, even though they have no plans to vacate the vehicle anytime soon. They further impede traffic by stopping at the front or middle of the narrow passages through busses and streetcars, seemingly oblivious to those behind them who are now trapped. They also like to wear their bulky backpacks in packed vehicles, sometimes swinging them into the unsuspecting faces of others. They are easily confused by how the "stop request" and "door open" systems work.

Suggested non-violent solution:
Show patience, request behaviour modification, volunteer information

Suggested violent solution:
Deck them.

TYPE D: FOOLS

Fools know what they're doing is annoying, but they do it anyways, due to what they consider to be a lack of alternatives. They bring large, ungainly items onto cramped vehicles, and try to hide the fact that they're toting it around by holding it as close to them as possible. This, however, isn't good enough. Fools bring their bikes onto vehicles, automatically blocking three or four empty seats or trapping people in three or four full seats. They also try to hide their incredibly oversized mobile child carriers in main aisleways. Sometimes those carriers are doubly as wide, for extra offsping. Also, the squirming spawn that dwells within is often none too quiet. Fools are sometimes apologetic for their foolishness, but do not waver in your disapproval.

Suggested non-violent solution:
Smile, nod, then edge past and retreat to safe distance.

Suggested violent solution:
Baby punching. May cause uproar.

TYPE E: THE ELDERLY

The elderly are shambling, confused prune people, who can exhibit the traits of idiots, morons AND fools all at once. Their apparent feebleness or sense of entitlement (or both) may force you to vacate your seat so they can rest their weary bones and not lose their balance while trying to stand on a moving vehicle. After all, any accidents of that nature will turn their hip bones to powder and send their dentures flying off to an undisclosed location. When travelling in packs, they tend to be quite loud. They love to prod at the babies of strangers and don't trust dogs.

Suggested non-violent solution:
Give in to demands, then increase distance and find happy place.

Suggested violent solution:
Throw up the horns. Old people fear Satan.

Labels: live, muse

I'm going to start this one out with a bad comedian's opening line. It's a little classic I like to call "Didja ever notice?"

Didja ever notice...that...wow, this is sounding completely random now, even in my head. Anyways, didja ever notice that R2-D2 always gets told to remain with the ship AFTER he's already taken the trouble to eject himself and start following the main characters?

It happens in both the prequels and the Holy Trilogy. Anakin is walking away from his ship with Padme in tow, and Artoo can be seen in the background, trooping along obediently.

They're already a fair distance away, when Anakin turns around and tells the little guy to stay with the ship. So Artoo turns his little self around and starts rolling back across the SAND to the ship. No wonder Anakin became Darth Vader. His subtle cruely is staggering.

His son isn't much better. In Empire, Artoo takes the trouble to use his little lifty-elevator thingy in his droid socket on Luke's X-wing and starts moving towards his master. In true Skywalker form, Luke looks back and tells him to stay with the ship!

Then of course Artoo gets dragged around into all manner of locations where his little wheelies aren't really meant to go. Forget the polished corridors of starships and pristine hallways of Cloud City. We're gonna bring our astromech along to go clambering around the SANDS of Tatooine, the many STAIRS of Naboo, the ICE caverns of Hoth, the slimy MUDHOLES of Dagobah, and the UNEVEN foliage-laden ground of Endor's forest moon!

However, he doesn't actually seem to ever have any trouble in these places. I guess in most cases he traveled along routes where the ground was more packed down and flattened, though I can't for the life of me think of a way he could have successfully gotten himself around on the forest moon.

There's only one place I can recall where Artoo was actually stopped dead due to an obstacle he couldn't pass, and that was the door on Cloud City that Luke stepped through on his way to the carbon freezing chamber. Even if the door hadn't closed quickly behind Luke, there's no way Artoo could've gotten over the lower part of the frame that cam almost a foot off the ground.

The prequels did give him some more tricks to hide up his metaphorical sleeves though. There's two places where I remember Artoo deploying some kind of crazy apparatus to assist in moving around wierd places, both in Attack.

On Naboo, he used his third leg in a truly bizarre manner to move up some steps. And on Geonosis he utilized the amazing one-time-only rocket boosters. I guess that really was the only way to get around that crazy-ass droid factory with it's conveyor belts aplenty.

Where'd these fancy prequel abilities go over time? The Wookieepedia article on Artoo has summed up some interesting theories...

However, while I'm complaining here, it can be noted that Artoo never complains. He "mostly" just does what he's told, maintains his sense of humour, keeps an eye on those troublesome Skywalkers and Solos, logs away every little bit of information he can get his hands on, and remains secretive and mysterious, even to his jittery buddy C-3PO.

I salute you, Artoo. For all you do, this blog's for you....Artoo...doodeedoo.

Labels: muse, rant

Squidfaces! They're everywhere, I tell you. I know this because I've seen them with my squishy viewing spheres!

There's just something really cool (or creepy, depending on who you are and where you come from) about a being with a mass of tentacles coming out of it's face. In most instances, a creature of this nature is designated as being evil, or a generally bad guy. I aim to prove this is not the case! Come along with me!

First up, Davy Jones, as realized in the the two Pirates sequels, Dead Man's Chest and At World's End. He was pretty freakin' awesome, with his face all full up of squirmies.

He was...kind of evil though. I mean, you sort of feel bad for him after all that Calypso hogwash is finally revealed, but the dude pretty much doomed everyone on his ship and kept on dooming other sea-going folk. Lots of dooming. So I guess he was evil...let's move on!

Next up, an illithid, of Dungeons & Dragons fame! Also known as mind flayers, these squidfaces live deep underground in the lightless caverns known as the Underdark.

Aside from having incredible psionic mind powers, they also suck out your spicy brains and munch on them. So....that's not very good. I guess they're evil too. Man, I really suck at proving things! Let's keep going!

Tessek! He's a Quarren, an aquatic species from Star Wars fiction.

Tessek was Jabba the Hutt's accountant, but developed a guilty conscience in doing business with the crime lord. That's good, right? Then he started plotting to have Jabba killed...er...and later he shot a B'omarr monk...which is...bad.

But then much later he was forcibly recruited by the B'omarr, and had his brain removed, as is their custom! So...that one's kind of hard to tell. But we're getting better! Onwards!

Dr. Zoidberg, of Futurama! This squidface doesn't wear boots, he just eats them. He'd do anything to end his miserable loneliness. If only he wasn't incredibly poor!

In addition to eating guinea pigs and sifting through trash cans, he offers his medical services to humans, a species of which he has little to no understanding. However, he means well, and is very funny! Good job being one of the good guys, Zoidberg! We're on the way up! What's next?

Oh, it's an elephant, a mono-tentacled creature! While not much of a true squidface, elephants have the added edge of being actual creatures that live on the planet Earth. They're also the largest land mammals around these days!

Elephants are super laid-back and are just content to wander about eating and sleeping and making cute baby elephants. Let's hear it for our elephant friends! Nothing evil here!

And finally...um...Cthulhu. He's an extremely nightmarish alien creature. He cannot be described, and should not be.

He is the unimaginable green horror from on high, one of the Great Old Ones, extraterrestrial beings of incredible power and colossal size, worshiped by deranged cults. He's...pretty horrible. Much more so than an elephant.

Did I prove anything today? Not really. But I did get to scribble some funny doodles, and in the end, is that not the most important thing? Rather!

Labels: muse, sketchbook

What would it be like if instead of cars, everyone used horses? I don't mean as if transportation progression stopped when it hit horse technology. I mean if suddenly all cars disappeared off the roads, and horses replaced them! How unprecedented!

It would be quite interesting. Imagine the highway. It would be a mass of people riding animals with 1-horsepower each. And none of that horse-drawn carriage nonsense. Just horses! Horses for all!

You'd have to merge your horse off the ramp and into incoming horse traffic. Don't forget to flash your horse signal to indicate your lane change! Horses with one rider would travel the main lanes, while horses with two riders could travel in the horsepool lane. Just hope that you don't end up stuck in a horse jam, or worse, a horse accident.

Don't drink and ride! And don't commit crimes and try to flee on your getaway horse, as I'm sure the law would run you down in an exciting horse chase.

Families would have a couple of horses tied up in their driveways, for their family outings and whatnot. Kids going to school would probably ride a string of ponies all tied together, with the horsedriver on the lead horse in front.

The streets would be lined with parked horses. You might find yourself in a situation where you have to parallel park your horse between two other horses. Don't forget to feed the meter, or you might return to your horse to find a parking ticket slapped across it's face.

People might hose down their horses at home in their driveways, or take them to the horsewash to splurge for a high gloss wax. You'd also have to take your horse to the hay station every now and then, to recharge its energy.

The horse companies would come out with new horse models every year. They might start genetically modifying horses to run faster, such as the Sonic Ultrahorse. Maybe they'll create larger Sport Utility Horses to carry more things and handle difficult terrain. Or they might build a hybrid horse that gets better hay mileage to avoid a hay shortage.

I can see two downsides to the horse situation, though. One is that you'd probably end up carrying a shotgun everywhere you go, in case your horse busts a leg. Horrible.

The other thing is that there would probably be a lot of horse shit everywhere.

Labels: muse