This is the strange story of a series of events that unfolded in the distant past. These events strained the very fibres of science and boggled the minds of all who were present at the time.

It all started with a corpse that appeared randomly in our midst. See, there was this weird sound like "DHHUNNN!", and I got distracted and tripped over this random corpse! It was soon discovered that the corpse was none other than Dun, a very annoying individual. This created a bit of a problem, but let me back up a bit for a second.

You see, Dun was the illegitimate son of Din and Jub, two of my compatriots. That mismatched couple also sired another progeny, known as Jin, brother to Dun. Then, through some bizarre circumstance, an evil clone of Jin created himself. He was called Jib. Jib was quite evil, and used evil DNA from his "uncle" Dun to create another evil clone named Dub.

Then Jib, again crossing lines man was not meant to cross, went and used malformed DNA from Dub to create another clone named Dob, who was, as expected, quite malformed. In addition to all this craziness, there is a member of the family named Bud, the dyslexic one. Nobody knows how he's connected to everyone else.

To quote Tyrphanax: "This shit is clearly bananas."

Anyways, back to Dun, the corpse guy. When he was alive, he was quite an annoying person. He would always show up, shout his name loudly for all to hear, then leave unexpectedly. Because of his annoying ways, we all plotted to kill him. We then executed our grim plan and did away with Dun, burying him out in the woods behind the storage bins.

Imagine our surprise when his corpse randomly showed up, causing me to trip over it! It was soon after this that we realized we hadn't killed Dun, but rather the malformed clone-of-a-clone, Dob. Oh, silly us.

Well that was one mystery solved, but the question of where Dun's corpse had come from was still lingering in our minds. While the others discussed the matter, I went ahead and pillaged Dun's wallet. He wasn't going to need it. Shortly after this, though, Dun's body faded away!

Nobody really saw what happened clearly, so of course we flew into a bout of accusations of corpse theft. Finally, Din got fed up and killed me to replace the corpse on the ground, to solve the problem of not having a corpse to discuss. I then respawned and re-joined the discussion.

Ultimately we decided to check the ID of the corpse on the ground, and it indicated that it was, in fact, me! A few moments later, there was a weird sound like "DHHUNNN!" and the corpse of my previous self swirled off and time traveled back to where I tripped over it originally in the past. We still haven't worked out why that happened.

So in essence, I was Dun all along, and the ill-executed plan to kill me succeeded after all when my future corpse broke the laws of the universe and traveled back in time and landed in our midst, only to fade away due to paradox-type stuff and, in doing so, spark the heated debate that brought about my death. Even after all of that, I respawned anyways!

By the way, this was all made up in the TGi chat room, after someone typed "Dun" instead of Din (who actually exists in real life, by the way). It all probably doesn't make much sense. We're just odd like that.

Labels: write

It was really quite fun,
A month out of work!
But the cash equaled none,
A troublesome quirk.

So out I did go,
On the job hunt.
Searching high and low,
For work as a grunt.

Far did I walk,
'Til my feet were quite tired.
On doors did I knock,
Looking to be hired.

Employment bound,
I worried for my debt.
When none could be found,
I turned to the Net.

To my great joy,
There I did find,
Those who would employ,
And lift me from my bind.

It's manual labour,
A company with spunk!
Helping out our neighbours,
With their piles of junk.

It will be hard work,
And some hauling of trash,
But there is one perk,
A pocket full of cash!

Labels: work, write

No more lineups, no more SKUs.
No more coffee that didn't brew.

No more pitchers, no more spoons.
No more crazy afternoons.

No more shots, no more glasses.
No more whiny, impatient masses.

No more milk, no more steam.
No more empty whipping cream.

No more lactaid, no more soy.
No more customer whipping boy.

No more blending, no more Frapps.
No more requests for Tim's Iced Capps.

No more old grinds weighing tons.
No more twelve bag garbage runs.

No more mop, no more broom.
No more unclean, gross washroom.

No more service, it's time to stop.
No more working at a coffee shop.

Labels: work, write

As I sit here eating my way through three hardboiled eggs, one of them horribly mutated thanks to my less-than-delicate touch in placing them in the pot, I am contemplating.

My contemplations have led me to the conclusion that I must tell you about my online handle. I'm sure you will find this most fascinating. Wait...wait...I've got to watch an episode of Family Guy while I eat these eggs. Hold on.

Okay, I'm back to this now. After Family Guy I worked on one of my comic projects for a bit. Did the drawing and inking and now it's in the scanner, but I didn't scan it yet. I also ordered a pizza which will be ready in 15 minutes. So let's write a bit more!

I guess it's fitting that all this time is passing while I put this post together, as my online handle, in it's entirety, is chr0nometer, which relates to keeping time and the passage of time in several forms.

The name actually made it's first appearance on the old SWG Genboards, the common way we refer to the original Star Wars Galaxies General Discussion Forum (have fun looking through that archived nonsense, sports fans!). I was surfing some random gaming site when I saw an ad for SWG in one of those fancy animated tower banners. Intrigued, I clicked on it, and entered an online world of wonderment that I'm still involved in to this day. That was...seven years ago? Eight? Maybe!

Previously I went by handles like Dreadnaught and variations of such, but I thought it was too evil sounding. The name I registered with, though, was the obnoxious all-caps CHR0NO, with a fancy zero in the center to mix it up. Despite what many people would later think, I didn't take the name from the game Chrono Trigger, as I hadn't even played that game and was scarcely aware of it at the time (though I have since played almost all of it, and it's pretty sweet...so far!).

Anyways, I was actually looking for online nicknames in names from old Greek mythology and whatnot, and came across Chronos, the personification of time (not to be confused with Cronus, the titan). Chronos is apparently also the god of space, and emerged from Chaos (the dark void from which gods spew). He was imagined as incorporeal, serpentine, and had three heads (a man, a bull, and a lion), though these days he's usually portrayed as the Father Time figure, the old guy with the clock and sickle fetish.

Regardless of all that, I just thought it was a cool name, and I like discussing weird stuff like space and time and spacetime and continuums (without having any actually scientific knowledge or facts) so I dumped the "s" off the end, and went with CHR0NO. Historical records would claim that I had it in all-caps because I had caps lock on when I entered my name, but truth be told, I just liked how it looked :)

It was only after I started going by CHR0NO that I realized that "chrono" and variations of such were quite common across the intarwebs. But I paid no heed, because I was the only one with that name on the Genboards, and that was good enough for me (some other n00b showed up later with a chrono-ish name, but he wasn't as slick, so we paid him little attention).

As is my custom, though, I started switchin' it up. I dropped the caps and went by chr0no_riggs for a while. I must've just finished watching Lethal Weapon or something. I thought it was kinda cool, but don't think it was too popular with the folks about town! After that nonsense I went to full on chr0nometer, because that's what a lot of people were calling me anyways, as a nickname for my nickname.

There's actually been a lot of nicknames for my nickname, which is sorta weird. I don't mean one or two, I mean...ten...or so. They've included such clever names such as...hang on, pizza's here. I'll continue in a second...

Okay, I'm done with pizza now. I watched an episode of MXC while I was eating it, the one with Team USA versus the World. Pretty awesome. Onwards now!

So yeah, nicknames for my nickname. They've included variations such as chr0nomenon, chr0nosaurus, chr0-magnon man, chr0ntastic, chr0nslice, chr0ns, chl0no (that's my evil clone), chr0nopants (my favourite), chr0n00b (something pretty much only Rec calls me, that English git!) and what I think is the first nickname nickname I got, I think also from Rec: chr0nads (ho ho!).

For a while I started going by ridger, as Ridger Khronos is the name of my SWG character that just became my regular every-day SW character (using Ridgerion a few times in fantasy settings!), but I soon switched back to good ol' chr0nometer (or chr0no, for short!).

Well that's that I guess. The world is safe for another day.

Labels: live, play, write

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to tell you about something quite extraordinary. This thing I'm about to speak of is not for the faint of heart. Your innards must be forged in steel to withstand the mighty awesomeness of the following concept...

The Epic Speech of the Twelve Kingdoms is upon you! Speak only in the words of the far away lands of adventure! Your pitiful peasant existence can be renounced by discoursing in the dialect of the Dragon Lords! You appeal for an anecdote? BEHOLD!

"You must go! But before you forge your foray to the furthest of the forbidden fjords, you must adorn your extremities with implements of incising! You will find the mystical broadsword in the cursed hills to the frigid north, where I hid it many years ago while escaping the dread witches who would stop at nothing to reclaim it for their vile coven!

Upon acquiring your blade, you shall embark on a endeavor to save the Twelve Kingdoms from the unholy madness which threatens to undo all that can be undone! Beware of the brigands and bandits who would snatch your gold pieces on the back roads, and do not trust the trail-side tellers of fortunes who's tricks would lead you astray! Your path must remain TRUE!

Go forth to these realms I have spoken of, and do not forget to bring back the silks and spices that will make you a HERO amongst the good people of the land! Your regal features will no doubt be emblazoned on the back of our precious pieces of eight once you have shown the King that you are worthy of such honours!

...*cough*....so um....have a good night, Chris, and I'll ah....see you tomorrow at work."

Talk like this. It makes your day that much more interesting.

Labels: live, write

So a while ago I was dancing around to "Along Comes Mary" while brushing my teeth. Don't ask, I was in a weird mood. Anyways, I stumbled a bit and almost fell and lodged the toothbrush into my brain. Let this be a lesson to you kids out there.

While I finished brushing, I thought about what would've happened if I actually DID lodge my toothbrush into my brain, and my life flashed before my eyes.

Like that time I rescued those damsels in distress from the the great red dragon's keep on Mount Magnaheroth.

Or the time I saved the the quiet mountain village of Teegan's Heep from that cascading avalanch by planting an impenetrable wall of pine trees along the snowy borders.

Who could forget that time that I single-handedly defeated the rampaging deathbots of Fyrox VII?

Then of course, there was that stretch where I kayaked through the treacherous waters surrounding the north pole, rescuing polar bears from evil poachers.

Ah, what about that time I journeyed to the center of the Earth by way of shovel, to save the last of the Dinosaurian people from certain extinction?

Or even the week I spent negotiating with the water-consuming beings of Hydropia, trying to dissuade them from drinking the Atlantic Ocean...that was classic!

Finally, I don't think anything will ever be quite as memorable as the time I battled a genetically engineered triceratops while riding the mighty modern rhinocerous.

Actually, none of that happened. Except for the toothbrush thing.

Labels: write

Whenever I get angry, or bored, or just when I feel I need to celebrate, nothing beats the warm satisfaction I get from crushing a velociraptor between a palm tree and the grill on the front of my jeep. But the fun doesn't stop there!

Next it's time to deploy a giant glowing spike-ball on a huge chain from the aft hatch of my off-road deathmobile to snare the fresh corpse, dragging it through the foliage and underbrush to a glowing pillar of light that sends it floating off to velociraptor heaven.

Alternatively, I might deploy the spike-ball first and snag one of those fine-feathered bipeds trying to escape the gruesome frenzy of my senseless vendetta, just to hear the savory crunch of a prehistoric femur turning to powder.

Try Off-Road Velociraptor Safari to satiate your salacity for saurian-slaughter. Nothing's more awesome then death from above at 100mph.

Labels: play, write